Decoding Bedtime Tears: Connection-Based Strategies for Sleep
Navigating Bedtime Resistance: Is it Real Pain or a Delay Tactic?
Bedtime can feel like smooth sailing one night and a total battlefield the next. As children hit new developmental milestones and growth stages, even the best sleep routines can hit a snag.
Lately, we’ve heard from many parents navigating the "physical pain" dilemma. Is it truly growing pains, an oncoming cold, or is your child "crying wolf" to avoid sleep? When your gut tells you it’s a bedtime delay tactic, it’s hard to know how to break the cycle without losing your connection.
The good news? There are mindful parenting solutions to help you distinguish between real needs and sleep resistance. HERE Co-Founder Jen Armstrong shares her expert tips on handling bedtime challenges with a mindful twist, supporting you and your little ones through the transition to sleep.
Crying Wolf at Bedtime To Avoid Sleep: Turn This Nighttime Frown Upside-Down
by HERE Co-Founder Jen Armstrong, MSc
Mindful Strategies for Shifting Bedtime Behavior
When your child is in real pain, your natural instinct is to tend to them immediately. But what happens when you suspect the complaints are actually a bedtime delay tactic or a bid for extra attention?
Instead of focusing on the "stalling," try shifting the focus to the behavior you want to see. Here is how to implement a mindful transition:
1. Establish Clear "House Rules"
Create a simple bedtime "house rule" centered on staying in bed and resting. Frame this as a positive goal rather than a restriction. When your child follows the routine, they earn a meaningful reward the following morning or the next evening.
2. Use Connection-Based Rewards
To keep things mindful, choose rewards that foster connection rather than material items. Think about what your child loves:
An extra five minutes of "special snuggle time."
An additional bedtime story.
A "morning-in" with a favorite activity.
3. The Power of a Fresh Start
Reset the goal every single day. This gives your child a new opportunity to succeed and receive that positive attention they are craving. Over time, they will begin to associate healthy bedtime boundaries with positive consequences.
4. Consistency and Compassion
Behavioral shifts don't happen overnight. As you implement these changes, stay consistent and keep asking yourself: "What is the 'why' behind this behavior?" Often, it’s simply a need for more connection. By meeting that need through structured rewards, you are addressing their emotional bucket in a way that leads to more restful nights for everyone.
You could also try some of the short yoga pose stories Jen wrote to help with transitioning into bedtime here.
Also see our page with mindful parenting activities, one of which is the Five Minute Journal for kids. This is also something you could bring into your bedtime routine and a nice activity which helps your child wind down once in bed by reflecting on what they enjoyed about the day (and getting that all important one to one attention with you too!).
We hope this helps and please reach out to us if you have any questions!
Jen x
about jen armstrong, MSc
“My passion is to ensure the happiness and emotional wellbeing of individuals, children and families. Yoga and mindfulness have helped me greatly on a personal level, so I fully understand the power and positive influence it can have. Through my work in various educational and home-based environments, I have witnessed and proved the effectiveness of yoga and mindfulness techniques on individuals and, in particular, on children. Alongside the physical benefits, it can also aid emotional awareness and understanding. The beauty of Family Yoga is that it also helps foster family connections through shared experience and understanding, which provides a vital opportunity for parents to act mindfully for their children to observe and digest.”
Master of Science, Developmental and Educational Psychology (October, 2013)
Bachelor of Science, Psychology with Sociology (July, 2012)
95-hour RCYT Children's Yoga Teacher Training
200-hour RYT Ashtanga Vinyasa Flow Yoga Teacher Training
8-week Mindfulness based stress reduction course with beingmindful.co.uk
Trained facilitator in Roots of Empathy, The Parent Nurture Program, Teen Talk Parenting Program, Restorative Approaches, Motivational Interviewing and Solutions Focused Therapy.
3 years experience of Family Support Work / Parenting Support Work
4 years experience of mentoring and supporting young people.
Nutritional advisory course
